On Tuesdays Daily Show, Trevor Noah broke down Americas catch-22 of reopening schools with rising coronavirus case numbers in several states. The coronavirus does not generally afflict c… Read More
John Bolton, described as a full-time “Got Milk” ad by Trevor Noah, has a new book expected to be out soon, The Room Where It Happened. No, it’s not an homage to the musical Hamilton, which has a song of roughly the same name. But the bits that have leaked from it do provide a bit of entertainment in its deliciously dishy details on Bolton’s experiences with President Donald Trump.
The book, currently set for release on June 23 while the Justice Dept. vets it for national security concerns, has already had excerpts leaked. In the excerpts, Bolton makes claims about Trump’s dealings with Turkey, China and Saudi Arabia, among other countries. None of Bolton’s tales are flattering to the President.
Donald Trump Will Get His Day In Court To Try To Stop John Bolton’s Memoir
Noah said the incidents are not just corrupt, but really embarrassing, in that they put Trump in the role of supplicant to some pretty unsavory characters. They “make (Trump) seem like a crackhead who’s out of cash,” Noah said.
One of the book’s tales talks about how Trump didn’t know that Great Britain was a nuclear power, and claimed he asked if Finland was a part of Russia. “If he doesn’t know about white countries, what hope does Papua New Guinea have?” Noah joked.
In one particularly shocking moment, Bolton claimed Trump gave a rousing endorsement to the Saudi Government, who was in the throes of denying that they had murdered journalist Adnan Khashoggi.
Trump allegedly told Bolton that if he read the pro-Saudi statement in person, it would take attention away from a brewing scandal over whether Ivanka Trump used personal email for White House business. Noah said that was “selling out America and your ideals” to protect his daughter.
“On the other hand, I don’t remember shit about Ivanka’s email scandal,” Noah quipped.
Finally, Noah commented on Trump’s obsession about getting North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un an autographed copy of Elton John’s CD containing the song, “Rocket Man.”
Kim Jong-un was likely disappointed with the gift, and that may explain why nuclear negotiations have recently broken down with the North. “Imagine getting a signed CD, but signed by Donald Trump,” Noah said. “That’s like getting a Michael Jordan jersey signed by Donald Trump!”
“From the beginning of this crisis, Donald Trump has been saying a lot of not-smart things,” said Trevor Noah on Monday’s episode of the Daily Show, such as that coronavirus would magically disappear with spring weather, or that hydroxychloroquine could be used to treat it. “But a few days ago, as you’ve probably heard by now, President Trump created shock waves of stupidity with his latest and probably greatest unlicensed medical opinion yet.”
That would be Trump’s headline-dominating, beyond-the-pale suggestion at a press conference last Thursday that Americans should try blasting themselves with UV rays or injecting disinfectants, such as bleach, to treat the virus. “This is maybe the first time in documented history that we’ve seen someone not thinking out loud,” said Noah. “Injecting disinfectants into your body? This is the problem when the dumbest person in the room thinks they’re the smartest person.
“I almost don’t even blame Trump, because there’s no way he even understands what bleach is,” Noah continued. “Like, do you think Donald Trump has ever cleaned anything in his life? Do you think he has ever actually used disinfectant? Cleaning supplies might as well be magical potions to him.” Noah broke out his Trump impression: “I dropped a hamburger on the carpet, then some Mexican lady came in with some Clorox, sprayed it on the carpet, said some spell in Spanish, and then it was gone.”
“If you’re some random guy on the internet with 12 followers, you can say shit like this and it really doesn’t matter,” Noah explained. “But Donald Trump is not just some random guy.” And in what Noah is now calling “the pandumbic”, Trump’s comments have had significant fallout, such as upticks in calls to state poison control hotlines, and the release of what were once unnecessary warnings from cleaning supply companies to not eat bleach.
“Yep, this is where we are now: authorities have to respond to the president’s ideas the same way they do to viral TikTok challenges,” said Noah. Although he did love that people still called their health departments to ask whether they should consume bleach, because it means “that even the people who are dumb enough to drink bleach are still smart enough not to trust something that Donald Trump said”.
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert also addressed Trump’s endorsement of consuming bleach, since “it’s not enough that his supporters are all white on the outside”.
“Now, obviously, no one should do that,” Colbert continued. “So this weekend, people did that.” Multiple states experienced an uptick in poison control calls, forcing the president to claim that his comments were merely sarcastic. “Oh yeah, Trump is famous for his sarcastic comments,” Colbert deadpanned, then played a clip of Trump’s oath of office. “Hilarious!”
Trump also lashed out at reporters on Twitter, decrying journalists and demanding they hand back their “Noble prizes”. When the internet pointed out that actually, there are no Nobel prizes for journalism, Trump again invoked sarcasm as an excuse. “Does sarcasm ever work?” he tweeted. “Oh, sarcasm works great,” Colbert said. “Sarcasm is absolutely the best thing for a president to do in the middle of a pandemic. You’re doing amazing Mr ‘President’.”
“I’ve gotta be honest, when we went on hiatus a week ago, I did not expect that when I came back I’d be talking about the president suggesting using disinfectants and powerful lights to cure coronavirus,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “But then again, that’s on me. I should have expected it. We should all know by now: Trump will be more outlandish with each passing week because that’s his nature.”
Still, Meyers was baffled – “You have two renowned scientists working with you. Why are you pitching ideas like a sixth-century druid?” The comments track, though, as “Trump’s ideas for solutions are things that have always been there and require no work or effort from him. He’s like a kid who forgot it was show-and-tell” and points out the sun, Meyers said.
Unfortunately, Meyers concluded, “we just need to be prepared. This is going to keep happening,” since “Trump is a powerful, dumb guy and he is friends with other powerful, dumb guys and they like to call each other up and pitch their dumb ideas to each other. The whole thing is like a lifelong episode of Shark Tank where no one has a good idea and everyone wins.”
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel at least found one potential silver lining in Trump’s false dismissal of his dangerous bleach endorsement as sarcasm: “Can we claim we were being sarcastic when we elected him president?”
Though, after Trump’s press conference last week, the Environmental Protection Agency issued guidelines for disinfectants with the line: “Do not ingest disinfectant products.” “Unfortunately, many of those who support Trump are perfectly happy to ingest disinfectant products if the president tells them to do it,” said Kimmel. Even the makers of Lysol had to issue a warning. “I think this might be the first president ever to embarrass a cleaning product,” Kimmel said.
“Usually, when a human being says something that is dangerous and dumb and gets a ton of backlash for it, they either apologize or at the very least, reel it in,” Kimmel concluded. “But if you’re Donald Trump, you just don’t do that. You just keep talking and talking and you try to bury it all under a mountain of nonsense.”